you'll never know until it happens to you

in the life of a girl, young, green and straight out of school, a lot can happen in three months.

it's been something of a miracle,
a real big sight
something just crazy
when we both lost the fight.

to you, i am more than just 'baby.' Baby's when you're gonna leave her. baby's when you just wanna kiss her and then walk out on her. but this time it was different.

i know you're going to read this. just thought that you should know I cried when I said goodbye at the airport. wept in public. i don't usually do that! this is big! i'd say you're the biggest thing that's ever happened to me. bigger than a freddie mercury concert or a lick on the face or touching a famous person. i'm sorry i have been complicated. blame it on the fact that i am a girl! i'm sorry i have been difficult. you scare the crap out of me! i'm sorry i haven't always granted you. you were always there and i am thankful.
thank you for reading to me from peter pan when i was sick. and for bringing me juice. thank you for always coming round to call. thank you for the letters., mon poisson chanceux. i'll read them every night before i go to bed.
even though there's this distance (this wretched distance!) i know i am not alone. you are here. all i need to do is place my hand on my chest and ring up the phone and you'll be there.

i know you wanted to kiss behind the pillar. hahaha!
i like kissing you.
i'm pretty sure you knew how to kiss before. I'm glad I could teach you something anyway.
God, am i rambling? i can't even have a civil phone conversation without bawling into tears!

as long as there is ice cream in my freezer i know that you will be back to finish it with me.
until we meet again.

tu me manques.