inner scoop

i was given an assignment for the Varsity Newspaper's first edition of the year. I was told I could go around interviewing people on their thoughts on first-year behaviour and the university stigma of the species.

here's my effort, punctuated for a change.

The SCOOP on the First Year Stigma

as told by a first-year


The freshers are just dying to know what the upperclassmen are saying about them...

If you’re one of those like I am, the wide-eyed apparition on campus with eyes glued to a map, looking like she’s permanently lost you’re probably a first-year student at UCT. You’ve been accepted into this exciting new way of life. You’ve outshone thousands of others to ensure your place here and for the spirited first-year varsity is a fresh ground of hard work and hard play.
We’re the pigeons in the pigeonhole, the involuntary victims of a stereotype that has continued generations over. Your parents were probably in the same position a couple of decades ago when they wandered onto campus just as bright and new as you are now. I’m sure all of us ‘freshers’ are aware by now that the rest of those initiated upperclassmen are watching us and shaking their heads, saying, “Look at that bunch of firsties walking by. They always seem to travel in packs.”
First-years do this for protection. If you walk alone you could easily be singled out and pounced by somebody bigger and meaner than yourself.
For the typical first-year life has begun with the start of O-Week. You’ve moved into res, made a couple of alliances, registered for your course and you’re gearing up for what is promised to be the most fun of your entire life. Make the most of it. And take a few free condoms too.
It is undeniable that first-years carry an annoying stigma of sexual promiscuity, binge boozing, explicit pranks, campus stunts and general irresponsibility. That’s what some of the uppers told me, anyway. I decided to ask around, because, as a ‘fresher’ myself I couldn’t very well disgrace myself with such labels and disown my fellow freshers.
One opinionated post-graduate law student from Rhodes felt that first-year antics are a waste of university and family resources. She suggested that freshers get a much-needed lecture on the responsibilities of being a university student. Us first-years or ‘noobs’, have been known to drop out at alarming rates once all that social boozing and rampant late-nights have caught up with us. A second-year Bsc Computer Science says you can spot a first-year a mile away. “The typical stigma would be that of irresponsible behaviour, casual sex and that kind of thing. Even lecturers comment on first-years occasionally. First-years have been nicknamed ‘academic wannabes’ or ‘greenhorns’.”
I managed to hunt down a Post Graduate in Mechanical Engineering who was glad to share some first-year anecdotes.
“Run a lap, down a beer, run a lap, another beer. Drink food colouring before and see what colours you can bring up on the field.”
There were also other stunts such as trolley racing, trolley burning, trolley stealing and various other activities involving trolleys and alcohol. There were some incidences of public indecency, as could be expected, funnelling, hair-shaving and booze mixing. These are the kinds of things that they’ll be talking about until graduation.
These beer-chugging, pizza-loving, sit-com watching highly driven and (even) arrogant first-years with their wise-crack slogan tees, daisy dukes and experimental facial hair are the most stereotyped souls on campus. True, many won’t make it through the first year. Or even the first semester.
But we’re not out to make this the university of beer and sexual favours. We’re here to learn. Well, most of us anyway. Some of the upperclassmen may see us travelling in hordes and say that we seem to lose our morals like marbles all over campus. They may say all we’re good for is getting into debt and having mom and dad pay for our fun. Sound familiar? If you’re a first-year and you’re reading this, make it count and prove them wrong.