crumbling brick and mortar

the truth is that i do care what she thinks.

i don't mean to play the victim or the bad guy, even.
the truth is that it hurts when they criticize me. they always seem to notice when i can't do anything right. they say it too. mostly they mean it. sometimes i'm not sure what they say and mean, and what they say just out of anger. i take most of it to heart anyway, just to be safe. it's not safe though, this business of taking things to heart, because often it just means that you get yourself into trouble. i am chastised again and again. the hurling of resentment clouds our interactions. the television drowns out the arguments over dinner. the dishes go unwashed.

they are alien to me. i have become alien to them.

i can do no charities in this house. if i ever did it'd never be enough. i am never enough.

we are all aliens under this roof.