the lies we tell

a mother says to her five-year-old daughter: I am going to the doctor to have my ears fixed so that I can no longer hear whining.

And that did the trick.

how many other fibs do we tell (and tell ourselves, too) to get by?

"facebook made me do it"
so you told all 1, 854 of your friends that stacey's mom has got it going on? that was all you, bud.

'I'll call you right back"
oh no you won't.

"size doesn't matter"
and israel is a small country, big paradise.

http://judaism.about.com/b/2010/03/02/size-doesnt-matter.htm

"I knew about that band way before it became popular on the radio."

what, when it was on MTV, you mean? fuck off.


"I'M GREAT THANKS AND YOU!?"

give me a break. i didn't care how you were anyway.

"he wants to call me back. he's just too shy."

he probably used your number to roll a cigarette and smoked away all hopes of calling you, the next day or EVER.

"he cheated on her, but he won't ever cheat on me"

LIES. once a cheater, always a cheater.

"if I can just lose 5 pounds and got a brazilian I'll be a much happier person."

and then what? you'll be 5 pounds lighter and a good deal smoother. so bloody what.

"I'm not racist."

chances are you are, if you need to say so.

"I am not a fucking hipster"

BAHAHAHAHA.