hmm whatcha say?

Plans

This night is damn cold. It's kind of chilly out there tonight. We had plans, I thought. I was with you. Right now, there's nobody here I know. Let me just cry in front of you, without talking about it because I don't want to. What happened to 'i love you' ? my head is held heavy. the dust has only just begun to fall. oily marks have appeared on the walls, where pleasure moments hung before. these pleasures are now only memories. my seperation grief is such that i cannot go back. I grieve that those days are over, and now I do not know where to go.

Write me love letters, like Mr. Big to Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City. In the end what can we do but sit around a table with our girlfriends and drink cosmopolitans? Today it still feels like all I have to wear is my wedding gown, with nowhere to live because I've sold my apartment. Once I have found my love I will pass it on to you and wish you well.

I would like to go to the ballet.
I would like to visit the bookshop.
I am going to make a documentary.
I am not going to sit around waiting for a man.
I am going to sit drinking on the porch.
I am going to read poetry aloud.
I am going to go to work.
I am going to write everyday.
I shall pick myself up off the ground.
I am going to pray, because I never do.
I will not feel sorry for myself.
I will allow myself to cry.
Don't take crap from anyone.
Make yourself useful.
Do not dread the day when dreaming ends.
Stick to schedules.
Wash your hair everyday in order to wash away any feelings of guilt and sorrow.
Eye out the personal trainer guys at the gym.
Get coffee into your system
Change out of your pyjamas.
Quit always falling asleep in all situations.
Stop talking as I think, thus blurting out stuff that makes no sense.
Clean cracked polish off nails.
Say a prayer.
Don't make excuses.
Drown him in champs with your girlfriends.
Carry tissues
Write it!
I will listen to ridiculous break-up songs.
And silly love songs.

I am who i am.