i'm a dysthymian

this is what it comes down to :

The Doom and Gloom Club

where i find myself trying to think of stuff to say to people whom i ACTUALLY don't want to talk to anyway.
where i find myself going out in a bad mood then drinking vodka to improve it.
where i feel like kicking myself because i said a stupid thing.
where i then feel like taking back that stupid thing.
where i find myself looking up self-help stuff on wikihow like, 'how to improve your self-esteem' and 'how to live with herpes.'
where i wash my hair too much, even when it's not even that dirty.
where i shout and yell and throw things at a relative or family member for asking me dumb questions like 'have you taken your zoloft this morning?' fml.
where i seriously think i have a mood disorder and should call up my therapist for a good ol session.
where i question my seratonin levels.
where i am heart broken and suffer from a lack of REM sleep.