the girl and the alleycat

i've noticed that's i'm in pretty much the same mood as i've been for the past few months. rather disenchanted. a little glum. i actually haven't had much of a change of mood in a while. my temperament as been very flat. not really volatile as it would usually be, but just consistently low.
the boy i've been moody over for the past three months was clearly afraid of heights. i need a man, not a boy, and one who can look down and not be afraid.
I would choose to feel angry, as this is one of my two modes. the other is feeling hurt. just that.
some days i'm angry. it is a sweet escape. such feelings are red hot and burn away any sentiments. the other one, the hurt, is sympathetic

I am wondering what I need to do to become a great writer. am i out of my depth here? Here's how it goes.
I read over my draft and find something is not right.
I change a word or two.
I scratch out some more.
A paragraph.
Then a whole chapter.
I take a break. Stretch my legs. Drink tea.
Then another.
I sit back down at my desk and consider.

Shh. Eliza's sleeping now.