this again.

in the words of anberlin

"i wanna be your last first kiss/that you'll ever have/i wanna be your last first love/that you'll ever have."

I thought it was so. but now my hair smells of smoke. i've been moody and broody for too long, listening to songs like this and spending too much time reminding myself of the things i cannot change, or the truths that just won't suffice.

I'd like to proclaim it's not over now, but girl, it is.

I'd like to pretend he'll be back, but girl, he's gone.

I pretty much freaked out the other night. Probably because everything got too much. The separateness, the wickedness. then i had thoughts of revenge. my grief was turned into ash. i began to wonder what i could do to get my own back. i've never been much of a vengance-seeker. i think it's about time i played dirty. things have gotten messy enough.

"i remember when we were just kids/schoolyard conversations taken to heart" - inevitable.