Tuesday, March 10, 2009


I feel like he doesn’t love me like he should.

Tell me, tell me everything you feel? Why is the road like a minefield?

Heavens, I do not know! Hell, how could I? I hardly know myself. Yet all I ponder now is his being and his contentment. I found that I couldn't speak, so I wrote this letter, sealing it with a kiss.

"I left everything at the door, and put him first. Left baggage on the doorstep so I could give him everything I could offer. Everything good in me, in any form, whichever it was. I couldn’t bear to lose you, to lose control. You’re all I see. If you stopped loving me, I don’t think I would stop loving you. Seems ridiculous, doesn’t make any sense. It’s like we balance a bomb between our two faces...putting out the stars, though I feel found when you’re near. Am I not good for you? Or have you not found yourself? Puzzled boy. Bitter, angry, tragic boy. Road is a minefield. I tucked away my fears, inhibitions, doubts, all in hope for your enlightening. Do you not love me? Why don’t you miss me when we are apart? I am a fool, to want you. I am a fool to love someone who does not return this. I gaze up at the sky; shadows are all I can see. I cannot lose you, love and have lost, but for the best part, to have loved at all. I have loved, and I am grateful to you that you have been the one which I adored. Should this be the end, I promise you this; I won’t forget. I couldn’t. I’m too far in now, waving, drowning, too far gone, that I couldn’t turn back. Except to you, if you’d have me still? Why do you not look at me? Why can you not speak? I am afraid; love, so afraid, that you cannot know. Because what was a mere infatuation has become a life’s love in my soul, a love that drives and feeds my soul, and if I have frightened you by my intensities. I am sorry. I have not meant to make you feel imprisoned by a silly girl’s few feelings of young romance. She fell hard, when you barely looked up. She thought you‘d picked her, because she’d already picked you, that very night she fell in love without you. Thank you for what you have taught me. I have had lessons hard learned. I am feeling the world’ emptiness now. I know there is malice in this life, a crazy life, but let’s hold hands instead of breaking apart. Let me help you, let me be your rock. I know you’d do the same. If only you could. Just don’t shut the door on me, or burn out the light. All my love. "

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