Tuesday, March 10, 2009

a trip to watch the silent picture

Silent picture, oh! we’re playing out ourselves in black and white. The projections rolls, we’re on the screen in the midst of noiseless crowds. Our dialogue is silent and although we’re shouting over our lungs, neither of us can hear what the other is saying.

My head becomes bothered by the activities of others. If I must accept what I cannot change, should I just give up entirely? Surely there is some change that can occur? I would like to have that good time that everyone seems to strive for with such zeal, only, I cannot betray my serious, unquiet mind. They are trying to extract me from myself. I am plagued by daily thoughts of inconsistency, of disapproval -judgments I know they’re making, perhaps without saying. I do not need your whims to live my life.
I refuse to feel this heaviness in my chest because I am afraid of not being the person they’re trying to force me to be. I am my own breed of person, not one for drinking, not one for bars and smoky rooms, card games and backstreet kissing, sex and drugs, not one for living by each day; this madness is all around me. All I can see is a mad world.

Forgive me if I cannot fit, forgive me if you cannot fix me, or if I am simply just a strange little girl. We all know that those who are different are those who are the loneliest. I seem to worry too much about my hair, my shoes, what I’ve, as I often speak without thinking. My fear is unreasonable. There is little reason to my fears, though they remain real and real and real, so real! People can be cruel to those who are different, perhaps because the new kid makes you recognize your own insecurities, playing upon your faults, showing you up. It’s so much easier when the next person is just like you. Then I come along? And you push me away? Yes, all of you people! Why do I feel like a lonely island, sub-continental and drifting between cold people who are no better than my enemies?

have mercy. because you'll sure need it soon.

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