Thursday, December 16, 2010

a word of advice.


                              how to be classy (without being classist)
  • you don't need money, credit and flashy labels to be classy. class is on the inside.
  • don't get motherless. when you start feeling that chardonnay, switch to soda water and lime instead.
  • avoid wearing resplendant diamonds before you're forty.
  • be careful with pearls.
  • don't join the cast of Jersey Shore
  • mind your manners
  • look good at airports (rich men commute here)
  • floss regularly
  • pick out a good perfume.
  • be punctual
  • don't shave all your hair off
  • avoid flashing your crotch to paparazzi as you get out of your limo.
  • make sure you never see the inside of rehab.
  • never have dirt under your fingernails.
  • dress modestly, but always retain a sense of elegance.
  • have good posture
  • grace everyone with your presence. make sure they know that your company is sought-after.
  • learn French.
  • don't lean over bar counters
  • use impressive words, but make sure you know what they mean.
  • comment on art, literature, music...but make sure you've done the reading first.
  • do not gossip or slander. you may, of course, do what you must to win, however.
  • never reject an invitation to dance.
  • do not expose your midriff.
  • don't film, produce and market your own sex tape.
  • read all canonical literatures
  • listen to classical music
  • thou shalt not sport orange fake tan.
  • never kiss and tell.
  • avoid unnatural hair dye and unsightly tattoos or piercings.
  • never buy fake designer bags
  • do not crack your knuckles (*shudder*)
  • avoid cuss-words (however i'm not totally against the odd 'fuck!' now and then)

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